guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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