whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
