Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
