last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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