I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
