I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
