me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
