i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
