Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
