Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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