i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
