how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
