I hope mine doesn't look like that
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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