You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
