Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
