Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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