Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
