I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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