please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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