He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do herpes really smell.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
