My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was like eating out sand paper
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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