I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
