The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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