why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
