So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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