i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
