All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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