He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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