Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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