Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
