Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize