hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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