I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I forget how to act sober
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