If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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