stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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