A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
