Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
