Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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