you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
