There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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