i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
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If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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