did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
