can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
