I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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