i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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