im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
