he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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