I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
