shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
