I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
