I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize