Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
