Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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