Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
