I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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