I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
