He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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