Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
