I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
