Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
