Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
