New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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