MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
