you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
