There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh god it's open bar.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
