he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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