I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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