my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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