I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
