sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
