I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
