i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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