South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
