Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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