i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize