I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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