I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
