what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
