Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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