flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
